i just feel tired
tired of constantly fighting with myself
tired of second-guessing everything i say
tired of constantly fucking up
tired of this block i place between myself and others
tired of running
tired of not running
tired of fear
tired of living
tired from wanting to die, and tired of being held back.
the first time was a game
watch the days slip by with a passive enjoyment
secure in your monthly ritual
we were children
the second time it was desperate longing
fire licking each nerve ending as the seconds ticked by
desperate to drink my fill of you
before summer died
this third time is still water
never-ending grey fills up the horizon
it is impossible to see the colors in the sunrise
with only half a soul
(Source: hibiku, via gutsbloodandangelcake)
i can’t sleep, but i can’t stand being awake
everywhere i look i see him but he’s nowhere near
i’m flying to pieces in a million different places from the pain
i can’t breathe but somehow my chest rises and falls
is this what dying feels like? or is this the essence of living—
raw, unbridled pain?
(via wizardofsilence)
[video]
grey thought #425
i will not see my room again til may
i love this room
i love having the presence of my sisters next door
i love feeling my family
i love all the tiny touches that make it mine
i hate leaving it like some hotel room, and i hate coming back to the dust of a neat, unused room
its like while we are apart, i forget it
and it forgets me
i hate being forgotten
failed dreams of ballet
unworn prom dress
empty side of the bed
empty arms where a best friend should be
home that’s not home
fighting parents
(Source: ruoloc, via crystalrogaska)
grey feeling #375
wanting to be everyone’s rock when someone is trying to be yours